“How are YOU today?”

The other day I was attending a seminar in Orlando.  As I got on the elevator, I was amongst a large group of people going to the same seminar.  I heard many greetings amongst this group as the introductions began:  “Glad to meet you”, “Nice to meet you”, “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”  There were numerous handshakes and smiles.  As we got off the elevator, I could see many smiling faces as I walked down the corridor.  Many people would make eye contact with me and ask “How are you today?”  Or, “How are you doing today?!”.  By conditioned response I always immediately replied, “I am doing well, thanks for asking.  How are you today?”  In all cases, they responded the same.  “I am fine, Thank You.”

It only dawned on me, after leaving the event about how much we take for granted, these common salutations.  We can often make a straightforward statement AFTER we meet a person, of exclaiming “Nice to meet you.”  Or, “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”  But, many of our salutations to complete strangers are not always just a “statement”, they are generally a “question”.

I wondered how many of us make this conditioned response daily, even when we are not “doing fine” or doing well.  In America, it is quite common to greet others with a smile and a question, “How do you do?”  It is rare to hear someone respond out of the ordinary.  And, when they do it is most always related to a tragedy in their life.

I remember the first time I asked someone “How are you today?” that I got an unusual response.  It was many years ago and I was in a buffet restaurant.  The girl’s response was that her parent had died suddenly and she was at the hospital all night.  She had not eaten in more than 24 hours and she was trying to find something simple she could eat and hopefully keep down. 

I remember it stopped my flow of energy.  I responded with, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.”  I did not know what else to say.  I was at a loss for words.  I remember I almost felt guilty for asking.  I cared.  I was concerned all of the sudden for someone’s situation that I did not even know.  I sat at my table with my friends as I occasionally glanced over and watched this girl eat alone.  My friends were oblivious to what had just transpired and I did not think it so important to explain to them the situation.  They were laughing and conversing with one another. 

But, it bothered me that I felt that I could not be of more help, encouragement or assistance.  I tried to look at the positive side and I thought to myself that I am glad she was honest with me.  I am glad she had the courage to speak the truth about her situation.  All too often, we find it impolite to respond to someone by way of the real truths in our life. 

Life is full of burdens with times of anxiety and disappointment.  That is all part of life.  But, it is amazing how often we do interact with others and put on a plastic smile of confidence and pain-free existence.  In America, we would consider it almost impolite around strangers to be honest about our feelings at the moment, if they were of disappointment, sadness or regret. 

In years to follow, I sometimes would use the above story of the girl in the restaurant that had just gone through the sudden death of her parent.  I would use it to show clients the ways that many people mask their true feelings.  This girl was not masking her true emotion or hiding behind the faked response, “I am fine.”  And, I use this as a positive example of how I did not judge this girl (a stranger) for being honest with me.  I would point out that answering honestly about our feelings and situation is important.  I would point out that her grieving had even begun because she was admitting to others what had happened.  And she was working to move forward in her life, taking care of her body’s needs by eating.  She was being vulnerable by telling of her recent experience to a complete stranger.  I appreciated this strangers’ vulnerability.  I appreciated this stranger’s courage.  That is in part, Mental Health, right?   And, I HAD asked her “How are you today?” did I not?? 

You see I have dealt with many clients with depression.  Depression is one of my areas of specialty.  I myself was diagnosed with depression years ago, and I have spent a lot of time keeping myself motivated and focused.  I know how troubling it can be to spend months at a time in despair and unmotivated.  I also understand how debilitating it can be without the right supports and intervention.

Certainly, in America, we are not interested in hearing people complain.  We do not want to hear of someone’s tragedy or illness, unless we know and care about them.  Those who get this special privilege are either famous people or our family and friends.  We certainly would like for others to care about us when we are in pain or despair.  But, even at times, we feel guilty for talking about our problems with friends, family and co-workers.  We are afraid of being vulnerable.  We are afraid of being judged.  We are afraid of people losing respect for us.  We are afraid of appearing weak.

So, I ask you today.  How are YOU today?  How are you, really? 

Because, I DO care.  And, I want you to take time to care about yourself, as well.



Mind Design Unlimited was created to be a “self-help” and self-improvement company that creates products to help you through life.  We make no claims of “cures”, but we have been very helpful for thousands and thousands of people just like you in making healthy, positive life changes.

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